Friday, June 30, 2006

Okay, how freaking long is this damn FIFA World Cup? I am glad we are getting into the quarter finals which means this tournament is coming to an end. Despite incredible ratings both here in Canada and across the world, I just can't watch it. Every game runs into each other. Every score feels like it is 1-0.

Top 5 things I want to change about soccer.
1. Eliminate offsides. Why is their a rule in a sport which has lower scores than any other sport that inhibits scoring? I realize this will change the way the sport is played but it will certainly be more interesting.

2. Decrease penalty severity. For us non-soccer fans, the diving by offensive players who are near defenders just makes us nuts. As reported by Coglero on Tuesday, the Italy/Australia game featured a call by the ref with seconds remaining in the game that was a borderline dive. This resulted in a penalty kick that Italy was able to convert to score the one and only goal of the game and allowed them a spot in this weekend's quarter final.

3. All passes must be forward or lateral, no back passes. Again, this will increase offense and allow teams to set up more scoring chances.

4. Add a shot clock. This wouldn't be a time limit for getting a shot on goal. But a time limit to get across the centre line. Again increasing offense and allowing teams to set up more scoring chances.

5. Make the goal crease smaller. The goalie has way too much area to come out and grab the ball from offensive players. I suggest that the goalie is forced to hang back more and allow the offense to take more shots.

I know that my friends who are soccer fans, both Coglero and Wee Scunner will be against these changes and will explain to me that as a North American I just don't get the sport. And they're right. I just don't have this world cup fever. Even my friends at CBC who I am in a baseball pool with have caught the soccer bug.

Ironically, Coglero has entered two teams in my office's World Cup pool. One is under his name while another is under mine. The team under my name is currently tied for fourth place in our pool. People at work keep asking me how I could possibly be doing this well. They walk by my desk while every tv in our office is on a soccer match, mine is on a repeat of Law & Order. As a matter of fact, the quarter final match between Germany and Argentina will be starting shortly. I think I will be watching Rachel Ray on the food network instead.



Anonymous WEEZER. said...

Mr. Narrator,

How many people have told you that you look like...

3:37 AM  
Blogger your faithful narrator said...

Including you? Zero. And considering that you've known me since I was 17 years old...I am quite concerned about your eyesight.

3:59 PM  

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