Monday, April 30, 2007

I have had it with these motherfucking movies on this motherfucking TV!

I will first start off this blog entry with an apology. Not for not posting in a while, I was in Chicago last week and didn't have time. No this apology is for having written a blog entries about the film Snakes On A Plane on August 23rd, August 14th and August 10th.
I watched Snakes On A Plane last week and look, it's a bad movie. I don't mean it so bad it's good or a movie that you can revel in its badness like a warm blanket. I mean, it's bad. It's awful. It's painful. It doesn't make sense. The special effects are ridiculous. It's predictable. The characters are badly written. The tacked on sex and gore was pathetic. How they found someone to land the plane is completely unbelievable. The "shocker" near the end of the film hinted at something that could have been a good twist but instead just led to a predictable ending.

I know what you are thinking, yes, it was supposed to be a B-movie so what should I expect. However, take a movie like 1990's Tremors with Kevin Bacon and Fred Ward. A b-movie plot with an A list actor. It's funny, it's simple and it is an enjoyable watch. It won't change your life but at least it will keep you entertained for two hours.
And my Samuel L. Jackson pain did not simply end with Snakes On A Plane. In our hotel room, getting ready to meet some friends for dinner, J-Mac and I watched The Man with Jackson and Eugene Levy. Yes, you knew it was going to be bad. But it's level of bad-ness is actually shocking. It's not funny. Plain and simple. Clearly Samuel L. Jackson needs someone to read scripts for him. His onscreen personality is just not enough to make a film good.
Top 5 Eugene Levy films
1. Best In Show
2. American Pie
3. Splash
4. Waiting For Guffman
5. Bringing Down The House (bad movie but Levy was funny in it)
Ironically, I decided to watch Snakes On A Plane, 24 hours prior to being on a plane myself. I did end up having my own little airport drama. I arrived two hours prior to my flight to Chicago only to find my flight had been cancelled. Instead of flying out at noon, I was scheduled to fly out at 4 pm. So, what does one do at an airport for 6 hours? I could have left but there is nothing to do around the airport. Plus, I could not check in my baggage unless I actually checked in myself so I would have to carry my luggage around with me. I decided to check in and enjoy all the immenities that were there.
Let me tell you, the ammenities at Pearson Airport suck! With the exception of Cleveland, Toronto has the worst airport in North America. Okay, I've never been to the airport in Cleveland, that was an obscure reference from Beverly Hills Cop. Anyway, the food is awful there. The beer choices are all Molson products and way overpriced.
The highlight was watching all of the Toronto Raptors come through to fly off to New Jersey. I was sitting on a bench in a rather quiet area of the airport when they started filing through one by one. Sam Mitchell was first and I yelled out to him, "hey coach, good luck in Jersey." I didn't say anything to the players but I watched Joey Graham have a funny encounter. These airport workers ran up to him and asked, "are you Chris Bosh?" He nicely replied no and explained that Chris was a couple minutes behind him. Rest assured they look nothing alike. Anyway, the would be autograph seekers looked disappointed and did not even ask poor Joey for his autograph.

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