Thursday, May 25, 2006

American I-DULL

I am not really happy to admit this but I have actually followed American Idol for the whole season this year. Like a lot of people, I used to just watch the audition shows where you would get to hear alot of the really bad singers and the judges are at their most crankiest. But, I really liked eventual winner Taylor Hicks from the beginning and decided to follow his progress.

Rest assured, this is the last time I will ever watch this show.

Top 5 reasons I hate American Idol

1. The cross marketing. Whether it is the unsubtle way a certain car company and a certain soft drink company are pushed throughout the shows or the fact that genuine musicians appear on the show in order to push their new album. When it is Barry Manilow or Rod Stewart, I kind of get it. These are relatively soft, safe musicians who could use the bump in sales as they are clearly past their prime. However, last night's finale featured Prince. Or should I refer to him once again as, the Artist Formerly Known As Prince. To see him appear on this show was like the deathknell for his career. I can never respect him or his music again. At least he had the good sense not to sing with one of the idols or even talk to anyone. However, the damage was already done.

2. Randy Jackson. This man is an embarrassment to black culture in north america. He literally sets us back 10 years with his cliche way of talking. And why must he refer to everyone as either "dawg" or "dude"? And what is this "dawg pound" stuff? Does he not know that this phrase died with the Arsenio Hall show over a decade ago? And what does he actually bring to the show. Paula Abdul is clearly supposed to be the sensitive one while Simon Cowell is the mean one...what exactly is Randy's raison d'etre?

3. Paula Abdul. Okay, lets all be honest. She is either drunk or high on some recreational drugs when she does the show. Her meandering comments regarding the performers often make no sense and really can't be helpful to these struggling performers. Plus, how many times must she cry? Admittedly, I cried a little bit when I saw Prince on the show. But how that Elliott Yamin character's singing could bring her to tears is beyond me.

4. Simon Cowell. I used to like him. I used to believe that he was the only one speaking the truth. However, after spending the season watching him, I realize he is just a character. "The Mean One". It comes to a point where he is also not being helpful, he is just trying to come up with funny, insulting and memorable lines to help keep viewers at home awake.

5. It is just a karaoke contest. Seriously. Why do so many people care and why do so many people vote. Let's not worry about AIDS in Africa, the mess of the waterfront here in Toronto, the declining education rate mixed with the increasing obesity rate. Lets just worry whether Taylor Hicks or Katherine McPhee wins or whether Kellie Pickler can actually pronounce the word salmon.

And how sad is it that on a day when I write about American Idol, my pal at The Cogs Tabloid writes about The Allman Brothers? Clearly, he knows what is more important about music than I do. Honestly, this will be the last time I have an entry about American Idol...promise.

PS...what was David Hasselhoff doing there in the crowd of American Idol and why was he crying? Perhaps he was thinking of this video he did for his single Hooked On A Feeling.



Blogger Cogs said...

Brilliantly said. Although I would have Ryan Seacrest as my number 1 reason why I hate American Idol. He is by far the biggest chump on TV.

11:22 AM  
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